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[0:00] ..." The college admissions process is -- but if it doesn't have to be an ordeal that it actually bond of family health."...
[0:09] ..." Well you can look at the college admissions process as -- ordeal if you want but I don't think that's a good idea I think you should -- the college admissions process. As a way of bringing together the disparate elements in your family different district is your family together. Reconcile those differences"...
[1:14] ..." it is every -- sort happy all the time in the college admissions process would cause the exit. Eager to level back what is where you want to go to school. So let's say your"...
[1:52] ..." try to do is used to process to figure out what the common Cold War and then you move."...
[6:20] ..." to make sure that got a case. We often dealt with our private schools you know and and boarding schools around the country where you a lot of times. Some gambling table you know I just"...
[9:26] ..." professional admissions advisor so families bring me -- to help with the college admissions process and I hope that they helped with this very issue. Sometimes with some parents who is they essentially 61 don't you"...
[12:02] ..." not necessarily working true potential and that you agree. Experience in in high school on the Socrates and that meant a lot you. And a half before you went and I love you and support is."...
[0:00]" The college admissions process is -- but if it doesn't have to be an ordeal that it actually bond of family health."
[0:09]" Well you can look at the college admissions process as -- ordeal if you want but I don't think that's a good idea I think you should -- the college admissions process. As a way of bringing together the disparate elements in your family different district is your family together. Reconcile those differences and move forward as a team some you know apart from a -- more powerful on the individual parts. And if you your husband your child all agree on something. It's in power it's fun it's like -- vacation together gently vacations are fun you may not all agree on why you want to go to Jamaica for a vacation but one -- you -- because you can play tennis. One goes to get a massage and one goes to go dancing at night and everybody's happy. -- take it."
[0:59]" Sitting -- goal it's really confined to school that. Mom dad and child are happy."
[1:07]" Absolutely and of course the typical issue always comes down to who's really in charge into the day. Because you know it is every -- sort happy all the time in the college admissions process would cause the exit. Eager to level back what is where you want to go to school. So let's say your husband it doesn't believe in the liberal arts what you went toward -- college that you really believe it would and liberal arts education. And your daughter daughter isn't really listening to -- you know that's you know pretty common scenario. Outwit you know what you can do which you can try to try to work through looking objectives here are. And it is this really in the best interest of your child or you trying to simply prove a point. I believe that what you want to try to do is used to process to figure out what the common Cold War and then you move."
[1:59]" And foremost you want it could hit -- child and that's not always easy time."
[2:06]" Moderates and -- it's typical for two reasons one because some schools don't exactly advertise exactly what it is that you get when you get there. But the second is that some people say they want to could what they've really means is I wanted to -- as long as the school in Princeton. So sometimes you know everybody always says I want to could fit the real issue is what the cricket currently looking for a house. I want to live in a nice house I don't know I mean I might mean large I might mean a lot of trees it might mean your river. I mean different things to different people at a -- it means different things to different people in my job as an adviser. To help people to figure out what it is they really mean when they're looking for the -- it for them."
[2:52]" How do you bridge that difference. When were you working with the family."
[2:57]" What do what do try to do without trying to help and wasted to understand. Yeah which is priority number one player number two priority number three and so on and so forth. Because it's rare that we can always have everything that we want. Most people would like to have a bigger house at like to have more money than less money it's like to have more vacation -- in the -- vacation time but. Life the electric -- for an adult means that there compromises. And the question is what are we willing to compromise on -- locations. Often mom will be focused on this planet as stereotypes of families that would you know would come Cassini overtime which is examined to see him at each year is over thousands. But more or less you know the moms are focused on locations. The cats are focused on cost. And the kids are focused on making sure that they can have fun. And I realistic gross generalization but what it does give it hopes to get tickets is going to figure out walk. How important locations can we go an extra two hours by car. Or would we be willing to spend an extra a couple of thousand dollars for this creek that or we -- we -- him a couple thousand polish ministry."
[4:11]" Okay as they talked before mother's document bears the brunt McPeak -- the ballot got a couple points here one how to begin the search for the right school -- and her daughter."
[4:21]" Well -- put my assistance and a lot of times mothers of the ones are driving this process in terms of the administrative stuff behind it. I encourage small arms to. Reserve the time on the family calendar now take it -- out blocking out time -- calendars that you can go and visit colleges. I can't emphasize enough how important it is -- is different types call. A lot of at least say well only that the east to preschools -- I've -- or -- it until after about her daughter's been accepted. That's not really good idea. It's a better idea is that -- now -- your son or daughter and if your mom and like your your style look at. -- types of schools that are available to change dramatically in the last thirty years. And it's worth it -- it's different places and unfortunately you know that are usually -- on the -- terms of making travel plans. Sorting out -- just like I think it's really essential let him do it. Basically went into that college is the best thing to do is -- colleges when the colleges concession. And it and usually that means that true fourteen weeks semester. So the best and that is that the colleges are in the fall after usually after September 1 before christmas break and between January 15 and -- first. And the great -- schools because this what you can he would social life is like school too -- feel comfortable. -- some significant mentioned before which is that you're era of looking for information during the college -- long drawn. You're not looking for information you're looking for insight and you're looking for the you like feel comfortable with the students at this school. And this is what mom and dad can do as well as kids because -- feel comfortable with who they're going to be where. -- also need to feel comfortable with they're going to be part of this extended family extended community and the purpose of the visit to make sure that got a case. We often dealt with our private schools you know and and boarding schools around the country where you a lot of times. Some gambling table you know I just don't feel comfortable to school I don't like the values of some of the families -- I don't want to be part of it or conversely they saved well I do like the values that they see people here I'd like this community actual couldn't. You know you can easily on the website and look at what course -- our but the real reason for the visit to urge to turn the recent visits to determine or to determine. Whether that you really like yeah community."
[6:57]" I talent sometimes snap judgment for me. -- unfairly -- ticket he had completely dressed and then after that and they're totally turned off."
[7:08]" And wrote it are there any story that you could drive you know 500 miles from the -- that refused to get out of our because the buildings look too gloomy I I don't dispute a few years ago who refused to go to school because the committee lockers lockers are few you know about him Playskool of course counterpoint -- this is that yes it's true that you do get a snap judgment of the time and it's not a perfect snapshot of flight -- the university. What effort -- perfect match I mean -- that you decided to take a vacation this week to go to Paris and it Reagan's well you know your perception Paris will be at a tree. And that means necessarily be accurate perception but that would accurately be your perception so sometimes that's just the way you know life goes sometimes it's not everything is -- you know can get a perfect images everything all the time."
[7:59]" To -- you you that he couldn't -- here. At school but I can't. Natalie in -- and at this go back to the mother for it boys girls play have a harder time getting application now but I'm -- girls that. Dilly dally with that they'll Lankan mothers do to kind of put a fire under it."
[8:21]" Well I ain't I mom to set very strict time line. Give kids breathing room but it also set -- time -- as well and you're trying. Keep your kids that do two rooms to it to make a mistake to do this stuff -- zero. But say that you know all American -- during the months. But it three weeks I like to see what it is you are on paper and you know or on your document or that you want to -- application and we're going to take a look at it so don't bother them that three week period and really don't bother them don't get -- really Coker especially -- at -- Where -- mention the word college you know on the kicked off the deep end and you become literate. So it's better to say listen -- Sally I'm going issue in three weeks askew got out of progressive company. I'm architecture before I'm I'm serious that on whatever -- three weeks and they'll like take a look at that and -- Kelly usually recommend that. We do that now in the case of my involvement. Because you're on the professional admissions advisor so families bring me -- to help with the college admissions process and I hope that they helped with this very issue. Sometimes with some parents who is they essentially 61 don't you be the person who says in three weeks time make sure that everything's done. But not everybody has that luxury so if you can't have me do that then you know you really ought to do -- yourself."
[9:50]" Right oh overall how much do you think hearings -- the -- who think we've really. Now held their hand through film much do you think this -- the time to kind of cut the cord a bit or or we still need to be involved."
[10:05]" Apparently involved but to point it -- you find yourself using the word we you know you've gone overboard. What do mean by that is every once in awhile well ask stupid questions and discussion table what do you think about such a school. And the data mobile truck -- several weeks sank back. And if you find yourself using the work week then -- probably stepped a little too forward -- That you can tell you wanted it to room. But on the other hand something administratively aren't possible. There -- at least sixteen year old who have who regularly fly from Boston to handle. And so if it's accurate it's schools in California then you're currently is going to may have to make arrangements to do that. It's one thing treated to they would get a visit schools in Connecticut or going to visit schools in New Hampshire. But it's quite an -- you know I really going to visit schools and Colorado or California and that's what parents do need to be at all."
[11:09]" Let's talk a little bit about the psychological issues that mother isn't sure obviously both parents think that it and I think women have to deal -- this war. How many comfort. -- rejected that the same time you want to impart some real life lessons to them I eat perhaps he didn't work hard enough and and that is how it all shake out."
[11:29]" Rate of and that's that's a common -- the commentary -- unfortunately so what what you do need to do if you need to explains that there is that unfortunately there is a consequence things that happened in the grade. Do matter. And the world not over but if you would like to coaches -- such graduate school in the future. What that means is that we need to you know how you know an understanding that you. My daughter daughter where all sorts of little harder. And you -- you might say something like why don't you not necessarily working true potential and that you agree. Experience in in high school on the Socrates and that meant a lot you. And a half before you went and I love you and support is. But if attacked you would like to go to a leading medical school currently the law school the great that you have in school if they were continuing college would -- And I think that's not an unfair -- or attracted to very valuable lesson war."
[12:30]" I would agree how can moms -- looking as -- and there are competitive friends and neighbors. Throughout this whole process."
[12:40]" Well it means that the best answer -- that is cute take a formal occasions overseas and not ask yourself. But assuming you can't do that what you probably want to do is to. You know -- take your friends you know are you got your relationships very much that I really want to have this private time with my child. And you know this is his or her application process and you know I'm I'm just not talking about college. Either a lot of things -- your personal life you don't talk about which with different people and I -- sometimes you -- to -- and sometimes often. It's better to simply just say I'm I'm not engage in this discussion their lot of things we don't talk about it a personal lives of that a person -- strategic papers entrants. And I think should be one of them especially if it's going to cause more anxiety. On the other hand you're you're going to talk to someone who is knowledgeable about the process or if he's serious fight. Great but if the purpose of the conversation just have to conversation which is going to cause anxiety. That's a little credit it -- comment and it'll feel the proper in the bumper sticker problem where you know some families are focused just on the -- her. You know how prestigious school on the bumper sticker in the window. And you know and how those dangerous because what happens that you're going to be nervous about a lot because until you get acceptance letter your country -- So having that conversation -- it really doesn't help anything. And it just make sure nervous --"
[14:15]" One other thing very quickly. Finances how do you lose all feeling that you with the parent -- wish you could. Do you more Harry -- the bill you for your child."
[14:28]" Well at the cost of college goes up and up and up I mean I I think it's an unfair burden that at least feel that they -- pay for everything you know what we see is that and -- that the -- should abandon your child and not pay for college. But if you find yourself a few thousand dollar short and you need to take long for that. That's not into the world given him the increased -- you know refer -- power if that child is going to health over over his or lifetimes. By virtue of going to college. On the broader issue -- that is often the disagreement with the spell. When something you know very often the case that -- say absolutely not we won't stand over X amount of dollars on a school and that's that. And very often what I need to do -- council assemblies an understanding of how far willing to go. -- example Syracuse university of very popular school in -- you know our practice. And Syracuse have to -- a very good communications program but it happens speaks very expensive. And so some ads will often say to me Steve I'm not willing to spend that kind of money to go to that university I would rather. -- money for something else. And the compromise position that I usually encourage. Is to say well okay I respect that. But let's take out some loans or -- together a