Station Nightclub Survivor Living Life Five Years After the Tragedy

[0:00]" Fortunately I remember everything from the moment it started to. Being on the floor waiting to get out getting out walking across streak winning for my husband to show up. And even part of the ambulance ride to the hospital. An impasse until I knew I was going to a Rhode Island hospital and felt good knowing I was going there. What do you call but the actual being inside the building as this fire started. -- thinking that that wasn't good night and told the young man who was sitting on the merchandise table with us you know you need to leave. And just making a plan to get out with my friend by grabbing the -- CDs and endorsed the stage door and just not having enough time. Seen the place flash over that. That was my cute then try to find another accident and that's when I would to the window and try to break it. He hit me that I stood up and it was like 1200 degrees in there and I didn't even realize is getting burned to time it was when I get outside and looked down and saw my arms and the skin was literally hanging often meet. Use your taken by these villagers -- in Ramallah hospital he had them before rushing back to account which happened. It was kind of -- only first out of the building. I was standing from the front door wondering why it was getting so quiet at first it was you know pandemonium people screaming and freaking out. And as a stand in this kind of get quieter and quieter and it occurred to me that the reason for that was people in the doorway were dying. And that's you know that people don't scream anymore. -- about the aftermath all that you had to go through you've gone through a lot. A bed late twelfth and thirteen surgeries and actually lost track spent several weeks in the hospital for them most almost more than in a coma and -- remember my birthday in imminently in NL for a few moments I don't have any clue -- visited me three times in one day or at least three times in three weeks but a couple of nightmares that were mostly drug induced when -- in the hospital which is really weird. -- and after that a couple years of surgeries after getting out of the hospital and therapy for almost two years of physical therapy. Physical therapy occupational therapy I mean I couldn't pick up -- can before a glass. Couldn't cook for myself I could even go to the bathroom alone for the longest time -- couldn't stand back up afterwards. Seven weeks and that he likes to work anymore it's been a long road."

[2:19]" Some what you must have been angry about all this stuff from either angry at at that the Syrians angry deeply the standard it. At the just fate."

[2:29]" I was angry with the band led read the article that they've done spiraling nose and other towns and we're told no you can't do that this too small venue what's he doing. And it is someone ended it anyways after being told him he shouldn't be doing this. And net -- is because they knew they took shortcuts I was there when they took a couple of shortcuts that I had the time didn't know restore cuts what I do know now. And most of my a angers the fire Marshal I mean it's really his job to make sure this didn't happen to -- or anyone else. And he failed us most of us. What would change it is obviously -- you you don't those feelings now. I still think that they screwed up but yes I'm not going to spend my entire -- heating somebody that takes away from me in my quality of life. You know hopefully they all look at their own -- Alec I have to live with every day you know that's. The worst of it for me I mean hopefully you know living with it for them is is that enough. I find it interesting that and we just talked about it before we start taping this but I I find it interesting. That you actually sought out the band and you sang with a great white and were able to do so and and enjoy it. I wanted to deceive the band again and not have anything that happened I wanted. To be able to recapture the good times -- concerts and you know feel safe again. And my sister just happen to grant Jack and say you know she can things a letter saying and he didn't. He called me up on states we started sawing off together and he left me on my own to do it to finish it up. How was. It was a great experience you know having entire roomful of people singing with me to was awesome but it also. Rigg maybe you remember why highlight going to concerts in the music -- that whole -- notes. I still some of that kind of music anything eighties. I do greatly for karaoke even. Shocks -- a few people now but what about today how are you doing today. Doing well today. I'm all -- surgeries analysts you know I want to pursue something cosmetic which I probably. I won't do I have no problem running around and tank top and let the whole world see my scars. You know looking forward to getting her lawsuit settled it would be nice not to worry though you know -- gonna pay this coming going to pay that. I don't want to be rich from this I deserve to be rich remiss if I get a million dollars street -- that I have might have fifty million dollars. You know just enough money so on have to wipe out -- close you know it would be nice and not to have to bust might not work."

[5:10]" And for the rest of my life. -- again a good thing to bring it was that. Obviously with the all the rehab and in in this surgeries and on the aftermath mean this cost -- time and money. How much of a setback was -- in those other ways."

[5:26]" Well at the time my husband had to say only take care I mean so we -- both without an income. That was for the station Stanley finds that we -- he wouldn't even -- their house as point in time. And yet the -- Stanley services stuff like that. It -- for the contributions of people you know they didn't know us and you know I don't know where we'd be living I don't know. -- taken care of any of the things I mean he would not they will stay home and take care of me but I would have ended up in a rehab hospital which is the last place they wanted to go. And has ended up losing my job and at this point that companies actually closed. You know going back to work I can't do what I used to go to do it I can't work full time anymore. You know even -- like it to stares from his heart collection of lung damage to the top of the stairs tumbling -- And -- the basket down and we tennis ranking in the -- to put it away. So this is lifelong thing -- that you don't heal from the burn injury you have for the rest of the life that never goes away. And as time progresses scars even tighten up and get worse as years go -- not better. I'm going to say -- to have more additional therapy trying to keep yourself -- mobile right if I don't if I don't keep working at being. Mobile and the ability to do these things don't go away McClellan only in a nursing home coming be a little contraction and a mess. That -- is going to have to carry around and feed because I don't use this daily it will go away."

[6:51]" I have to say you've you've got a pretty good attitude of all the on this I have talked to some moon who didn't want to go on Mike. Who still harbor a lot of anger. They're there they're angry at the band they're angry at to lives that are. They're angry at the family you know the funded because it feels that David can cast aside because they count like at stopped short. I'm not getting all the funds that felt they deserved. You don't seem to have their attitude."

[7:20]" After I was done getting money from the fund I've actually done things to raise money for the funds so I've tried to pay back into a little bit. There's only so much money out there and you know some bills just don't need to be paid an excellent cable bill with -- you know porn on it didn't need to be paid. And even -- that person felt it was a necessity or whatever there you know bill was. To -- need to keep roofs over people's heads. You don't that the heat on the electric on you know so. -- there'll -- you know you don't his cellphone you know there's some bills that they didn't need to pay that they had to prioritize. And when the money ran out well what are they going to do. The founders of the -- taken out of their pockets which some of them to do. I mean it is only so much you can give. Can't take which don't have."

[8:30]" How lawyers say hopefully within a year now that people start to settle because it was an original nineteen million from like six little companies. And it was like another twelve and 22 whatever that gripped like 72 total now they're just deciding on how to disperse it in a fairway now that we're ever going to get we deserve. Want to make that perfectly clear that many people of complained that survivors a lot more than they're entitled to -- those who passed away. None of us are going to get what's fair because if you can't remember Jackie deserve all the money in the world and those of us who can't ever work again. Deserve to be taking care of as well you know surviving the fire in some ways a lot hotter than dying and unfortunately. Some people don't see that but some of us need to be permanently cared for for the rest of their lives are survivors don't never ever give a live alone. They need money and they're never going to get enough to take care -- DDD needs"